i apologize for all my cursing. of course this is "my" journal... but if it offends anyone, i would like to know. for writing's sake, or something. i don't know. i should work on more complete ways of expressing myself... although, it's rather like dance, in that the feeling can only be caught in one instance, and if not done then, in that way, it is lost forever! i believe that is much like the power and universality conveyed in a curse word. i believe i believe i believe... bullshit... (oops).

in any case, i hope to align my intent and my action, unlike some people (who do not do this, and yet also claim to doing so. god how i hate hypocrites. and no, i don't think that not liking lesbians makes me a hypocrite, especially since i lack much carnal desire for the female sex. i lack much of any desire for the female sex. it's too bad girls are such idiots (for the greater part). otherwise, it'd be fun to have more friends sometimes. although i'd trash them too. but, if just for some immediately gratifying socialization once in awhile. there should be more women like my english teacher, quite definitely. and less people like hypocrites....

and oh god what is hair. what what what what is a smile what is an arm what is a look and a mouth when it all contains a drug. hush.

i forgot about a casually passing moment of immense importance in my life. i knew it would happen; the fingers were pointing. the ones in my head. "albeit", i don't know what to do. if it weren't for weed, something may be different. something something something. if hippies, or artists, or whoever they are, are to assume any theoretical responsibility whatsoever for the betterment of society, than they can't expect to smoke weed. and no, it wasn't me. i've been clean for some months now. oh oh oh oh the pain over wonder of recognition. how can nothing have been meant in any of it. it can't be all here. must i persist? it feels a trespass.

"you never disappoint me / you lubricate the morning / shining and yawning." - Kristin Hersh

goddamn! her lyrics are germane. i "intuit" the meaning of the word. unfortunately, i can never ever trust my intuition. no wonder i never talk. so i apologize if the meaning of that statement ^ didn't quite get itself across (what?).

oh, wait, it hasn't been "some months".. it's been approximately six weeks. before then it was "some months". i don't know, i might wreck it tomorrow.

should i fucking be sharing any of this? maybe i'll quit. in more ways than one (again).

i forgot about a casually passing moment of immense importance in my life. i knew it would happen; the fingers were pointing. the ones in my head. "albeit", i don't know what to do. if it weren't for weed, something may be different. something something something. if hippies, or artists, or whoever they are, are to assume any theoretical responsibility whatsoever for the betterment of society, than they can't expect to smoke weed. and no, it wasn't me. i've been clean for some months now. oh oh oh oh the pain over wonder of recognition. how can nothing have been meant in any of it. it can't be all here. must i persist? it feels a trespass.

"you never disappoint me / you lubricate the morning / shining and yawning." - Kristin Hersh

goddamn! her lyrics are germane. i "intuit" the meaning of the word. unfortunately, i can never ever trust my intuition. no wonder i never talk. so i apologize if the meaning of that statement ^ didn't quite get itself across (what?).

oh, wait, it hasn't been "some months".. it's been approximately six weeks. before then it was "some months". i don't know, i might wreck it tomorrow.

should i fucking be sharing any of this? maybe i'll quit. in more ways than one (again).