you
i love you
ever so much
:))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
that is pure joy!!!!!!!!!
pure joy that i can feel. because it's almost summer again. that's all that matters nowwwwwwwww
oh to have things come together
i cant talk to anyone now except for them and myself but i'm going to talk to myself productively. i can paint and dance now. and meditate ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
oh to have things come to gether
nowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

life life life life life................................
oh life how i love you when i'm living. thank the deity for assertive/initiative

life life life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111
sun and chill and glowing and nine o'clock. and glowing and glowing and eyelashes and coldness and scents floating out forever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
how amazing is that?????????????
and feeling like me to the highest power!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
it only happens at nine o'clock on school days when i'm out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! when i've just been in!! hahahahhhaa.
no drugs! no drugs! no drugsssssssssssssss
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
color and text color and text and dances dances dances!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! all the means all the means
life life life life life life.... !!!!!!!!!!!!!

.

yes i do
want to know how much i hate myself? i'm demeaning the quality of my own life, more and more. no, i don't care if that's the right word. it makes perfect sense to me. but that's how much i hate myself, that i can't find the right word. that's how selfish i'm being. i would kick something but i can't, i'm too tired. i don't fucking know what i'm supposed to do now.

"and slowly, the soul sickness of the rich crept over him.."
--Siddhartha by Hermann Hesse
(maybe not a direct quote, don't have it anymore)

i don't like being in the dark but i don't want to talk to them either and therefore i know i SHOULD which makes me inclined to but since i'm swaddled in my self i'm probably not going to do it.

my head is a mess, so are my arms and legs my whole body

seriously, a big reason is the absence of my ibook! i'm partially having ibook withdrawal.

oh wow i'm screwed.
and i'm so dumb.

i need to go running or something but not in circles!!!!!!! how can people run in circles, it's disgusting, or even on any single path, it's so disgusting, forcing yourself to be unfree. goddamn absence of open fields. goddamn zack and your sierra student coalition that you're not putting anything into/that you're putting everything into.

somebody please tell me i'm being stupid

I MEAN IT

please
please please please. i'm asking you. i'll see if you come through. i'll be waiting.

although that's the one thing i shouldn't be doing right now.

my fingers are sort of coming back