(n-n-n-n-nine-teeeeeeeeeeeeeeen)---paul hardcastle

not still a naysayer somewhat.

in any case, i do hope that you beings are not bored by this BLAUGH
sorry had to do it. it's always on the tip of my mental/physical tongue as i read or type that silly little societal nickname.

saw amelie for the third time tonight. took my mom out for valentine's day. i think--oh nevermind. it's not the first time i've had a "valentine". well, really, it is. that other time was no celebration whatsoever. not that i wanted it to be.

it's hard to celebrate my mother and see that she feels celebrated, which is what i would like to see sometimes. she's often just too LACKING OF CONVICTION, ISN'T SHE, DAVID????? sorry. anyways, her responses are somewhat bland; and often i forget that mine are far more bland, far more often. people probably don't know that i love them/admire them/want to be in their minds/want to MAKE LOVE to them. hahaha think about that one for awhile. (i am getting okay at using that term. it still makes my gut wretch. maybe because of the fourth grade chart-topper, "I'll Make Love to You" and carter king and his earphones and dumbass boyzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz222222222mennnn pantomime.)

no i don't think i'll be "Mindless in Midlothian" this weekend. i think i'll stick to my plan for once. my plan for solitude!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i am excited. well except for the breakfast club, but society will be just a vehicle to get there. i hope it ends soon after. oooh i am selfish.

i'm going to try and articulate my spoken words. i was submitting to a presupposed model of myself; then i realized i wasn't even fitting its form! some SELFISHNESS i saw.

pretty fucking amazing. what a goddamned puzzle. jesus fucking christ. (i haven't yet used up my qurse quota (((HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHH))) )
i know i had better leave when i fall into ricky mode. now THAT'S selfishness, right there. i wonder where dante would put him. muahaha