i really love lou reed.

i hope i'm fully able to fall in love sometime. i really want to do the marriage and kids thing. i'm going to want to have something like that to keep me occupied when i grow up. i think.

i like my toes. they're "pretty" and they contributed to my having a boyfriend for a day. even though i was technically anonymous to him. it was a cute two-minute thought.

maybe i can convince some people, sometimes, at marlboro not to drink/smoke sometimes. i'd really appreciate that.

hey, has everyone heard the white stripes? they are so damned groovy. they remind me of the ramones along with uhhh lots of anonymous songs and singers and tunes floating through my big head of memories.

at this rate, i think i'll have time. time hasn't totally eluded me like i was afraid it would. if it hasn't by now then i dont think it will. i'm way too conscious of its possibility, so i dont think it will.

i sort of realized that there's usually music somewhere in my head. when i was little i had weird simple songs going through my head, and one night it kept going over and over again and i was trying to go to sleep and i ran into my mom's room to tell her that i had a song in my head that wouldn't stop playing and she asked sleepily if it was something i'd heard and i said proudly that no, i had made it up myself somehow. what a little braggart i've always been. i was thinking today or yesterday or something about how actively competitive i used to be. about everything. now i just sort of compete with myself, really.

but i wasn't actively competing in a way that others could see. it was very very introverted. i probably made some effort to hide it, but i cant remember. i was never too open. only when invited and in trust.

i dont like the white stripes' slow songs so much. well, they're not too sentimental, i guess. they all end up being rather raw. oh hey! this one! yeah they do a kristin hersh type thing. i finally listened to the throwing muses tonight, the band she used to sing for. they're groovy. i heard, among others, "snake", which is on the empire records soundtrack and i'd never known what it was, but it's an awesome song. man i like that movie. man i like that song. man i like liv tyler. but whatever. man i like clueless, when i get money i'm going to buy that dvd or something. what a great movie.

1. become great at one or more martial arts
2. become the good singer for a band i like

that's as good as it gets.

emo sucks.