ah, so i was actually pretty happy after a twelve-minute delve into that recurrent white-basked hammock of naptime today. damn, that felt so good. i recovered myself. naps are insane, god, how yummy.

so that alleviated my three-week-running tension headache for about twenty-eight minutes. then i drank some coffee to recover again. then i actually enjoyed the editing process again and rohan and i didn't want to blindly shoot each other, again.

but god, how i want to go home. i want to go home and feel reality, no matter how cold. better than the however-small doubts i have, suspended up here within the interstices of global community... yeah, a pretty grandiose definition of marlboro, but that's how it feels, swear to god.

jesus christ, i won't be here for fifteen months! and it will feel like nothing, non-grata! oh, lifespans.

back to my paper. more subjectivity. but in tertiary terms.

the moments are aimless but the hours are dead on... or is it the other way around?

errr two dance performances this weekend and lights/tech on two play performances. and editing a documentary film into the wee hours.. not joking.. i believe we've brought about two and a half hours of footage to that melamine table. i begin at nine tonight. and whittemore is haunted, too! muahaha.

i think i have about seventeen books to read by the end of the semester.

oh yes, i need to read another novel by monday along with all these other works i'm researching... but its poststructuralist-feminist and psychoanalytic theory! hahaha this is cool shit. so i think i will pass the writing requirement this semester. i have.. thirteen days left.

relief, relief, at every round, before and after every dig and roll. academia is a game, is the game not EVER fun?

well, things could be complicated by that instance of leaving my birth certificate at the post office.

it is hard to conceive of places in which there is so less freedom. it is easy to believe in naught but possibilities, for movement and for the mind. and protection makes us further apart, now from toronto, soon from vietnam. who's the legality?

we still are lacking. we can have and still want. because what we want is related to other people. what we can have is all within ourselves. we can have peace and functionality and talent and ability and forward motion. what we want is to extend and to communicate and to breach borderlines constructed by individuality and self-maintenance. we can move forward with ourselves but we want to move laterally toward others, to join and move forward with them.