so in case you didn't get all that, don't fall in love. if you can possibly help it since unfortunately you can't help it since you're a fucking moronic human being.

yes, i agree, human beings are beautiful, but only if you don't fall in love with any of them. THEN YOU TURN INTO ME.

i thought i was off all my habits, including love.

okay let me see.

i think i did kick the pot/alcohol thing. i'll have to watch out at marlboro. i think a lot of people have addictions. maybe i should have requested chem free, after all. i did request smoke free at least.

there's sugar. that is just horrible. i'm going vegan. i will have no fucking headsmashing worries if i'm vegan. when i'm vegan i feel amazing. like nothing can touch me. including love. everything's under control when i'm vegan. sugar will be the death of me. i'd better fucking cut it if i know what's best for me. too bad THIS FUCKIGN SOCIETY DOES NOT AGREE. TOO BAD MY "BEST" FRIENDS FORCE ME TO EAT. I HATE THEM ALL. SHUT THE HELL UP ZACK, GO TO HELL, I DON'T CARE IF YOU KNOW WHAT'S BEST FOR ME.

what else. i guess that's it. i was going to count love as an addiction but i love love, it only gets out of control for a week or two every three months, though during those weeks i ONLY remember THOSE weeks. they suck.

and you know what's funny? i think i only get pms-y when i'm as far as possible from getting my period. i'm such a freak of a female. which one of you fucked me up?

i wish i could know louise post. maybe i'll get to meet her someday. she would be fucking cool. we could go trash dave grohl together. you know, i never liked his face, then she told me why.

watch it sarah, you're sounding like abigail.

you know what, i used to have absolutely no respect for kat. i didn't even talk to her. i forget what pissed me off about her. i think i just thought she was trying to be artsy. still, she could have been, but she certainly does not now. she's probably the most real person i know. something that has been said of me a few times. i never fucking know if it's true at ALL.
andrew makes me happy as hell. i'm not in love with him. that's a clue.
shawn makes me happiest of all, still. i was never fucking "in love" with him. how amazing.
i'm glad i know this.

HONESTLY. i don't think i'm going to fucking try to write books. this is the only goddamned writing that's satisfying to me. i knew it when i read j.d. salinger, he's amazing.

what's the fucking point. i'm not going to blow my mind.

OH MY GOD I'M GOING VEGAN AND I'M GOING TO BE HAPPY AS HELL!!!!!!!!

you know what eaming, vh1 made me like garbage again. that is fucking funny as hell. i'm excited about the concert now. are we still going, by the way?
i wonder if i'll still be in love again.

ms baylor is going to think i'm some psycho-idealistic-hippie-girl. my satire was uhhh i'm still not sure if it was a satire, but i was glad as hell when i wrote it because it was real. I LOVE THINGS THAT ARE UNCONTRIVED. I LOVE YOU LOUISE POST. BUT NOT THAT WAY BECAUSE I STILL FEEL ICKY ABOUT GIRLS.

you know what? i think i'm really a lesbian but my rational mind has so conquered all my nature that i'm not at all. that's funny as hell. i only like guys with feminine qualities. andrew is fabulous. i feel like a baby around him, like we're babies together. it's fabulous. awwww. and i'm not in love with him. i still don't like sex.

no, i forgot. my whole goddamned problem was being away from home. i totally lose my center without a routine. which is why i'm going to have a shitty summer. no routine whatsoever. seattle, work, beach, work, bermuda/europe, work and then my aunt is probably going to make me go on the marlboro outdoors trip "no sarah listen to me you HAVE to go and let me tell you why no janet let me finish! sarah if you don't go you will regret it, because everyone else will have a common bond and you will always regret not having gone."

i can't imagine a bunch of marlboro hippies having the will as entering freshmen to go on an outdoors trip.

it's amazing how fucking right i was. half of the girls at marlboro are annoying bitches. it's amazing how much girls suck. the guys are cool for the most part i think. i didn't meet any annoying guys. i talked to a senior who was great except for the weed thing. he studied evolutionary genetics. god, marlboro is a great place, except for the stupid annoying girls and the stupid addictions and shit.

why do drugs have to exist. i wonder if there's a hell and i often wonder if people who use drugs would go to that hell.

wow it's eight fucking oclock and i wish i had some friends i didn't hate. where are they again? all in my mind.

funny what an antisocial masochist i am.

maybe things will be okay at marlboro. maybe i can exercise and people won't call me anorexic. MAYBE I'LL STOP BEING ANOREXIC NOW THAT WOULD BE FUCKING AMAZING BECAUSE I ACKNOWLEDGED IT! I AM ANOREXIC! i would be totally anorexic if there weren't people around me. maybe that is honestly part of why i'm destroying myself bit by bit.