THAT'S NOT HOW MY GODDAMNED MIND WORKS. guess how it works. it doesn't fuckign work at all. it's just passing on through. i don't have any coherent thoughts. nothing at all. it's just like one big fucking blur that is occasionally concretified by something i see which isn't even real. guess why? because i've read the celestine prophesy and thus hold to an ideal of human evolution which calls on me to look at things for what they are, or maybe it doesn't no it doesn't call on me too but i do anyway cause i'm loyal to that goddamned james redfield, a horrible fucking writer. but i see all this shit in atoms. too fucking bad. when you know what shit is made of you can't fucking enjoy it. GOT IT?? WHY THINK???????????????

so like this computer is not at all. it's like one fucking vibration like everything else. and stupid life forms are just vibrating a bit more or a whole lot more or something but it can't be too much more or else we wouldn't be visible. we'd be god which is what WOULD happen if this goddamned economy did not FUCKING EXIST. I HATE THE GODDAMNED ECONOMY. I HATE THIS SHIT. GODDAMMIT FATHER WHY ARE YOU SO GODDAMNED SELFISH I HATE VIETNAM. I HATE IT AND I HATE YOUR GODDAMNED FATHER. I HATE HIM FOR MAKING YOUR MOTHER AN ALCOHOLIC AND FOR FUCKING YOU AND YOUR SISTER UP, YOUR SISTER WHO FUCKED YOU UP EVEN MORE, AND THEN THE BOTH OF YOU FUCKUPS FOR FUCKING YOUR BROTHER UP. I HATE ALL YOU BASTARDS.

phewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

so back what i'm twiceheartedly trying to explain here. so i don't think in words and i don't think in pictures. i think in i dont know what. ms baylor says i "intuit". and i still don't understand that and i never will because it's all energy and that's ununderstandable because none of us are god yet.

we're not all white and pouf-fy.

like shawn.

like shawn would be if he didn't smoke weed sometimes.. like he would be if he didn't have to work and graduate.

elizabeth barrett browning. you stupid whore. just kidding sort of. i'm half jealous and half pissed off.

so not thinking in either words or pictures may quite explain why i don't think when i write or draw. unless i run into a problem which only happens when i'm thinking about what other people think of me. imagine what would happen if expectations did not exist.

THE CHAOS THEORY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

the movie pi really sucks ass. that's what happens when people have no expecations. they make shitty movies. fuck you DARIN ARINOFFSKEEEEE can't fucking direct a goddamned movie